I've always had anxiety around money. Early in our marriage, anytime I would think about bills or money in the bank my heart would begin to race. I've always been a good steward of money… cheap, really. But I don't think it would've mattered if I were a millionaire; if I hadn't confronted this sin I would still be stressing out about money 14 years later. Kevin is the exact opposite. Nothing gives him anxiety. I always ask him (to make myself feel more normal, I guess) "what are you most worried about right now" and he always answers, "Nothing". Kevin's the type that would give you our car if you need it. Like, to keep. In fact, he HAS given someone our car before. Really, I couldn't have been matched with someone more perfect to balance my struggles around money. Through the years, The Lord revealed to me this lack of faith I struggled with. Yes, it's absolutely about my faith. It's taken years of refining to get to the place where I am able to navigate this fear. Praise God, through His grace toward me and some hard work, finances are longer a stress. I feel like I have arrived at a better place. I'll never arrive completely, but I'm in a good place on my journey toward faith.
Enter our adoption. I would be lying if I said this fear wasn't in the back of my mind when we took the plunge. Adopting is expensive. But, I honestly can say the Lord gave me great peace about the financial part of this process. Like He was saying, "just move forward. I got this". So we did without a whole lot to put toward this ourselves, but knowing we were being obedient and knowing The Lord would bless this.
My tendency throughout the fundraising process when we have to pay a fee with money we don't have is to frantically scramble and come up with some creative fundraiser. But what I've learned from a good friend is that The Lord is the one who stirs the hearts of people to give, not me. I needed to hear this because it was something I needed to let go of. So now, we put together the fundraisers and then let The Lord go to work. We already have so many stories of having a fee due and randomly getting a check in the mail. The latest time was ordering certified documents which was an expense I hadn't planned on. I placed the order, feeling the weight of the little things that just keep adding up. I remember physically looking up to the sky in that moment, like I was saying to God "I trust you here", releasing the weight I was feeling. When I closed my computer I got a text from someone that said "I have a friend who wants to donate directly to your adoption…. what's the website"? I read the text and began weeping. The Lord sees my heart so clearly. We want so badly to do this thing He called us to and He keeps supplying our needs through such generous people. Many of you will never know what fees are due or how much money we currently have saved when you give.
To say thank you to those of you who have prayed, donated, asked about our adoption seems so small. But, THANK YOU. I wish I could explain to each of you what was going on with us when you made that donation. It is so appreciated, and you are playing a huge part in this process and in my journey toward full trust in The Lord. Know that each donation, no matter the amount, is a tangible reminder of His faithfulness toward us. He cares, and He is so capable of all things. As a former pastor of ours always said, "God is rarely early, but never late". We have seen that played out in our fundraising so far. He is so good. We are so grateful.
